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  • Writer's pictureRidhwan Mohd Basor

Love Languages of Prophet Muhammad: 3 Things Rasulullah s.a.w Taught Us Spousal Relationship

Updated: Jul 2, 2023

Is romantic love allowed in Islam? In building a harmonious marital relationship that is blessed with God’s mercy, being able to communicate effectively is key.

Understanding Love Languages

Understanding Love Languages

Love is one of the most wonderful feelings that Allah s.w.t, The Master of Love has bestowed into the hearts of humans. It is a Mercy of God that we are created with the ability to feel and express our emotions. Our faith teaches us to love - loving our Lord, the Divine Love, and loving others and ourselves - the human love.

Allah s.w.t revealed in the Quran,

وَمِنْ ءَايَـٰتِهِۦٓ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَٰجًا لِّتَسْكُنُوٓا۟ إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَّوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً إِنَّ فِى ذَٰلِكَ لَـَٔايَـٰتٍ لِّقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ

“And among His wonders is this: He creates for you mates out of your own kind. so that you might incline towards them, and He engenders love and tenderness between you: in this, behold, there are messages indeed for people who think!”

(Surah Ar-Rum 30: 21)

God created for us partners for us to share, express and manifest our love among ourselves. The need for companionship is one of the most basic needs of a human. Marriage is encouraged for those who are able to fulfill the requirements and it is a sacred relationship that unite two souls - women and men. It is a partnership of equal between a man and a woman who agree to share their lives and build a bond of mutual trust, respect and love.

Lessons from Teachings of Love of Prophet Muhammad s.a.w.

Allah s.w.t describes the bond of marriage as being a garment to one another. In the Quran, Allah s.w.t says,

هُنَّ لِبَاسٌ لَّـكُمۡ وَاَنۡـتُمۡ لِبَاسٌ لَّهُنَّ

“They are your garment, and you are theirs.”

(Al-Baqarah, 2: 187)

We are described as garments to one another as husband and wife, we are closest to each other, just like how close garments are to our skin. We cover for each other and bring comfort to one another, just like how we would like to wear clothes that bring comfort to us. The relationship between a husband and wife is so fragile and there is a need to foster this relationship by making efforts to make a marriage work effectively. Nikah is the first big step in building a lasting relationship. However, it needs to be filled continuously with love, dedication and passion.

Understanding the other half is crucial in building a harmonious marriage - one that is blessed with love (mawaddah), mercy (rahmah) and tranquillity (sakinah). One of the ways to understand our partner is by observing his/her love languages. Love languages have been used by marriage and relationship experts as one of the many ways spouses can practice understanding our partners.

building a harmonious marriage

In studying the life of our beloved Prophet Muhammad s.a.w, his expressions of love towards his marriage partners taught us how we can emulate his legacy of love as we seek to build our own story of love with our significant other.

Here are some of the love languages that Rasulullah s.a.w showed us in his marriage life:

1. Words of Affirmation

Words of affirmation are one of the most important languages in communicating with our partners. This love language was one of the key communication languages the Prophet s.a.w used to show his love towards his wife, Sayyidatina Aishah r.a.

He called her by a beautiful nickname. Rasulullah s.a.w loved to express his love for his wife and he did it constantly throughout his marriage. With Aisyah r.a, he called her by the beautiful name of Humayrah (the Reddish) in praise for some of her facial features to be reddish in colour, which she liked a lot. He was never stingy with his gestures of love and tenderness. For instance, he would drink from the same spot of the cup where Aishah r.a. sipped water from.

Words of Affirmation

Rasulullah s.a.w. was described by Aishah r.a.

كنتُ أشربُ منَ القدَحِ وأنا حائضٌ فأناولُهُ النَّبيَّ فيضعُ فاهُ على موضعِ فيَّ فيشربُ منْهُ وأتعرَّقُ منَ العرقِ وأنا حائضٌ فأناولَهُ النَّبيَّ فيضعُ فاهُ على موضعِ فيَّ

“I used to take a sip from the cup, at a point when I was in a state of menstruation. I then passed it over to the Prophet where he would place his lips on the place where I had placed mine and drank from it. I would also nibble a bone where there is some meat are left. I then passed it over to the Prophet s.a.w and he again would place his lips on the place where I left mine.”

(Hadith by Imam An-Nasa’i)

Rasulullah s.a.w would always find means to reassure Aisyah r.a. of his deep love towards her. The Prophet s.a.w showed that love needs to be nurtured and continue to blossom between husband and wife.

2. Act of Service

In performing the household chore, Prophet Muhammad s.a.w was a man that did the housework without relying on his wife to be the only one doing it. From the Sirah (History of the Prophet), we learnt that Prophet Muhammad s.a.w would fix his own things such as sewing his garments. He did his share of the household demands and was not a demanding husband. Aishah r.a described in a hadith:

مَا كَانَ النَّبِيُّ صلى الله عليه وسلم يَصْنَعُ فِي بَيْتِهِ قَالَتْ كَانَ يَكُونُ فِي مِهْنَةِ أَهْلِهِ ـ تَعْنِي خِدْمَةَ أَهْلِهِ ـ فَإِذَا حَضَرَتِ الصَّلاَةُ خَرَجَ إِلَى الصَّلاَةِ

"What did the Prophet s.a.w use to do in his house?" She replied, "He used to keep himself busy serving his family and when it was time for prayer, he would go for it."

(Hadith by Imam Bukhari)

Act of Service

3. Physical Touch

The Prophet s.a.w showed that physical touch is important in fostering a happy and lovely marriage. He would kiss his wife and showed physical affection towards his wife. He was physically affectionate towards his wife.

In a hadith recorded in Sahih Al-Bukhari, there is a hadith where Aishah r.a shared that during a festive Eid performance in Madinah, she was standing behind the Prophet s.a.w and couldn’t see the performance. So, she placed her chin on the shoulder of Rasullah s.a.w., and they watched the performance together. The Prophet s.a.w stood there until Aishah r.a. no longer want to continue watching the performance.

Indeed, these are just few of the many love languages that Rasulullah s.a.w demonstrated in his marriage life. It is important indeed for us to observe the love language of our partners and try our best to communicate using the languages that they can appreciate and relate better.

Rasulullah s.a.w is the best example for us to follow. It is therefore important for us to emulate the values he taught especially in expressing love towards our spouse. In our mission to build a harmonious marital relationship that is blessed with God’s mercy, being able to communicate effectively is key.

P.S If you are looking for a marriage coach, do get in touch with Ustaz Dr Yusri Yusoff.

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